Shirley

My mother, Shirley Myrtle, was born February 29, 1924.  I have no idea who thought of the name Myrtle but I always thought it was a somewhat cruel thing to do to a kid.  At the time of Shirley’s birth, Calvin Coolidge of Vermont was president and the country was in a period of material prosperity which would not last for much longer.  There were 48 stars on the American flag since the states of Hawaii and Alaska had not yet been accepted into statehood.  Coolidge didn’t really have much to do as president and it was Hoover who became president in 1929 that got blamed for the stock market crash that sent the country into a tizzy. 

Like my father, Shirley too had been born in Everett, MA.  Like George, her maternal family originated from Maine and she was there frequently throughout her life.  She also graduated from Everett High School and was active in Glendale Baptist Church.  She took her church and faith very seriously but I am not sure who fostered this in her.

Circumstances of my mother’s birth always seemed somewhat mysterious to me.  I remember one time being told by my aging and somewhat demented aunt, that she didn’t understand why my grandmother was so mean to her.  My aunt insisted she never told anyone about “the baby.”  We had always believed that when Shirley was born her mother was married to a man named Robert McLaren and so it was assumed that Shirley’s birth name was McLaren.  However, my grandmother did not live with this man for long and my mother never seemed to have any recollection of the man who was her biological father.  This is where it is unclear when my mother’s biological parents married because in 1930 my grandmother, then known as McLaren, was living back with her mother and step-father but 6 year old Shirley was not listed as a household member in this census.  Then Shirley’s 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th school report cards dating from 1933 through 1937 have her name as Shirley Culloton, which was my grandmothers maiden name.  By 1933 my grandmother had divorced Robert McLaren and remarried Kenneth Pinkham.  Shirley was adopted by Kenneth in 1937.  Shirley always called Kenneth “daddy.”  There seems to be a good deal of information that was kept secret from Shirley and the rest of us, and was possibly taken to the grave.

It has been somewhat difficult to know much about Shirley’s early and perhaps unstable years because she spoke little about it and did not complain.  My maternal family appears to have always been working class people.  However, in 1929 the stock market crashed and most people in this country were affected by that event.  A child the age of 4 would have, most likely, been at home in the care of her mother.  But it seems likely that Pauline obtained work so that she could care for the needs of herself and her child.  Putting together bits and pieces of what little my mother spoke about, it seems that her grandmother, Nellie, was most frequently the primary caretaker.  Although my grandmother always called my mother “Shirley,” my father always called her “Toy,” a nickname she claimed was given to her by another child she used to play with.  My mother told me that she used to play with this little girl who could not pronounce the name Shirley, but since she always associated my mother as a playmate, the child started calling her “Toy” and the name stuck somewhat.  Also, apparently my mother spent a great deal of time playing with my aunt Evelyn.  Evelyn was the daughter of my grandmother’s sister Catherine and she too was cared for by my great grandmother while her parents were working.


I did not usually hear stories about my mom being anything but a model child and that was the person I though I knew.  Then that theory got flattened when I had the measles.  Measles and chicken pox were common childhood diseases when I was a kid.  My parents had both had measles as children.  The theory was that the child needed to be kept in bed and the room needed to be kept somewhat dark.  This could be pretty boring if you didn't have someone like my father bringing stuff to entertain you.  Apparently Shirley was pretty bored when she suffered through the measles.  It was believed that light and things like looking at books etc. might make you go blind.  So she was left alone in bed with nothing in particular to do.  That is when she was able to climb into the closet undetected and cut paper doll clothing out of my grandmother's coat.  Shirley was apparently pleased with the clothing she had made but her mother was not pleased with the altered design of the coat.

Like my father, Shirley was raised an only child.  However, she did have a half brother for a short time.  Apparently my mother was fairly young and the infant was still considered a newborn.  As my mother told it, her aunt Marjorie had come over to visit and went in the babies room and came out crying and saying that the baby had suffocated in his blanket.  I had always suspected that this may have been a sudden infant death.

Both my mom and dad lived through the great depression but it always seemed to me that Shirley was much more affected by this than was George.  Throughout my life, Shirley continued to be extremely frugal and tended to hoard pretty much everything that passed through her hands.  We saved milk bottles, string, paper, tin foil and almost anything else.  But we cannot blame the depression for everything because there are many people in my family who have similar behaviors, including myself when I don’t pay attention carefully.  After my mother’s death it was left to me to clean out her home and each room was an adventure and a curse.  She had saved every receipt and eventually had to share her bed with the file boxes that the receipts were filed in.  Can we hear it for medication and counseling?  

My mom graduated from Everett High School in 1942.  She appeared to have been a pretty conscientious student.  When I was a little girl and we were going to the cottage, there was a nightly ritual where my mother dug pine needle splinters out of my feet because I was always running around barefoot.  It was one of these nights when my mom told me that she had always dreamed of going to nursing school.  But by the time she graduated, she had little money and WW II was in swing.  She ended up taking several correspondent courses in shorthand, typing and bookkeeping and went to work at Monsanto Company and later at Malden Electric Company.  She worked primarily as a bookkeeper.  Shirley became active in the U.S.O., going to dances etc.  I found pictures of my mom with some fellow dressed in a Navy Uniform, but I do not know who he was and my mother never spoke to me of dating or any boyfriends she had prior to my father.  I don’t know if she ever spoke with my brother about these things.

I had often been told that the 29th of February was considered “Sadie Hawkin’s Day.”  Rumor had it that on that day the woman could ask the man to marry her rather the more acceptable way of the man doing the asking.  But even though she was born on that day, this was never the course of action Shirley took.  I once asked my mother why she had married my father.  Her answer to me was simply “he asked.”

Once my little family moved away from Everett there always seemed to be maternal relatives living with us, especially my grandmother.  This was often stressful for their marriage.  George would tell me that “your mother is a good woman and I love her.”  But with my maternal grandmother there and often complaining about my father, it seemed that my poor mother frequently found herself stuck in the middle and trying to keep the peace. 


It's interesting how we view the people in our lives.  I've learned it is possible to love someone but not always respect them and vice versa.  It is also possible to love someone but not always like them very much.  And it's amazing how all those feelings change and develop over a lifetime.  As a kid my dad was always my favorite parent because he seemed to be a lot more fun.  George seemed more worldly, smart and able to see people for who they were.  I saw my mom as somewhat gullible, serious, always trying to please and not always aware if people tried to manipulate her.  My opinions vacillated though.  When I later read things Shirley had written, I learned that she did pay attention and knew me a lot better than I ever thought.  I learned that the culture of her day contributed a lot to what she felt her place in the world was supposed to be.  I learned that George was better able than Shirley, to just get past the hard stuff.  I think I finally learned they were human and so was I.  Boy am I a quick study!